Wall Posts

  • JazzyJ

    4 years ago

    Right now sucks right now. Just now, while on my way to get juicing ingredients, I was approached by a total stranger who asked when I was due. Who the fuck asks that???? First thing out the pie hole? I don't have a ring on my finger. I wasn't wearing anything that remotely indicated pregnancy and Monday is my 46th birthday, so clearly I am not oozing youth.

    I was so dumbfounded that I responded by saying that I supposed it was time for me to go on a diet. But as we all know, here, I have been on one for 10 days and I am actually 10 pounds less than 10 days ago. Did people wonder if I was having twins 10 days ago?

    All I want to do is hide in my apartment, well and have a big plate of pasta with meat sauce, some bread and butter and some red wine. But what I am going to do is just hide in my apartment and drink juice, but still this sucks. I feel so alone and fat and old and single. I can't even call my sister, who lives outside of cell reception.

    This is really firing up my depression and triggering so many things. I used to be so fit just 2 years ago and I let it all go, ok, due to massive depression and anxiety, but still. I am such a failure. Tears are rolling down my face as I write this. I'm not sobbing, just tears and snot. I can't handle being judged right now. I just can't. I need nice people around me. I want my mom. She would have kicked that lady's ass. Yea, it was a woman who asked me the question.

    I just want to crawl into bed, but it's too hot. When is SF ever 85? Today and tomorrow apparently. So along with wishing I was skinny, younger, not single, I wish I had air-conditioning and while we are in wishing mode, a dishwasher and in-unit laundry.

    I think I am going to go find Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead on Netfilx.

  • ecollin479

    4 years ago

    So sorry that this happened but don't let it get to you, some people are just assholes quite frankly but what is important is sticking with your plan and feeling better about yourself. I know how hard it can be to know you were fit not that long ago. I weighed 70 lbs less 3 years ago and was in the best shape of my life doing p90x daily and running 2-4 miles but sometimes life happens. I have been practicing being kind to myself and gentle because I have beat myself up in the past but I promise if you keep with this you will most importantly feel better but also probably look even better than you do now! Frankly, the person that came up to you, you don't want to please them anyways do you? So, just stick with it and change will come, don't let this get you down. I am available to talk in any form if you like, I hate that you feel down, it'll get better!!!!

  • JazzyJ

    4 years ago

    Whew...yesterday was a rough one and I am not sure why. Maybe a bit of the past few months were nipping at me?

    I was very sluggish, but managed to stay on track. I practiced a little bit of self care and took myself to a funky Chinese reflexology place up the road (advantage of living in the middle of large City). The gentleman reflexologist called himself Uncle and I thought, awesome, I am with family after all. lol

    The session was amazing and I floated home. While en route, I stopped by one of the local juiceries and got a coconut water and aloe concoction. Not a bad day after all.

    I got myself to the gym this morning. Did some light weights and walked on treadmill for 30 minutes. All of this is such a far cry from the athletic, fit human I was just 2 1/2 years ago.

    So as I am midway through day 6 of my plan of 30 and stretch goal of 60, I am getting into a bit of a rhythm.

    I am so grateful for the past 6 days. It has been a long road to get here. Six months ago I was placed on medical leave, because of stunning body crushing mind blowing panic attacks. Once on leave I wasn't even getting up. I was sleeping 17-20 hours a day absolutely consumed by depression caused by the anxiety. More back story as the days proceed. Juice on!

  • ecollin479

    4 years ago

    I think you are doing great and I am there with you on the far cry from before. it was only 3 years ago that I was in the best shape of my life, fit, running and doing p90x daily and then a new job and stress along with a head injury obliterated that guy! And I know for me, when you know how good it feels to be healthy, you can never be ok with not being that way so I have fought through many bouts of depression over the past couple years about my body and how I feel but I have made radical change in my life before (quit drinking almost seven years ago, quit smoking 3 years ago) so I know what I am capable of. Having this community helps me stay accountable and so nice to read others stories as yours and see a little of myself in it and not feel alone. I am glad you are on this journey too, I hope you make it to your flex goal of 60 as that is my plan, I would love to see you there at the end with me!!! Great job making it through yesterday!!

  • JazzyJ

    4 years ago

    It's a gorgeous 70 degree Sunday and it feels like everyone is out on patios having brunch. UHG! I am not wavering! But I do feel a bit on the outside of regular life today. Yes, I am reminding myself that by being on this journey is far more compassionate, not to mention smart and healthy, than a Sunday Funday. Time to go on a walk off the beaten path and remind myself that I am in a critical self care mode and that is a good thing.

    Juice on!

    xo, J

  • JazzyJ

    4 years ago

    10 pounds down and 40 to go. Sipping lemon water between juices. I know I can make it 30 days and maybe even 60. I sincerely believe that whole foods, juicing and stress reduction techniques, such as a mindfulness practice (meditation), restorative yoga (no hot sweaty rooms) and working out will be what does it for me. For the first time in my life, I am taking care of myself from a place of compassion.

    If you are or are weening yourself off of being a type A like me, please read the book, 10% Happier by Dan Harris. You can also see a clip of him on mindbodygreen.com. There is a clip also a clip of Joe talking about FSND2, which is what brought me to this community site.

    Juice on!

  • ecollin479

    4 years ago

    Meditation is something I have been working on as well, I have quite the active mind that I would like to quite, lol!! And it does so much to keep you aware, it is scary how unaware and just downright unmindful most people are in this modern society. Let me know if you have any advice on the meditation, I have trouble keeping my mind still.

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