Real Change

My Journey

Real Change

Posted by ReeVee on 2 years ago

Today is my last visit to the doctors. "You'll be fine in 2 weeks. Just have a little faith", said my doctor while prescribing what i googled and found out were basically steroids and anti-convulsion medication for my treatment. "But what causes RSD? It's been two years now and things are just getting worse every few months." Don't worry, he said, we'll get to the bottom of it. Right. More drugs. No answers. No Thank You!

I'm so sick of doctors and their false confidence and their false sense of security they lull you into. I think no other reason, not my obesity, not my illnesses, not my immobility, has gotten me geared up for action and change other than the fact that I don't want to see another doctor as long as I live. I've spent a fortune on tests and medication and doctors and i'm no better. Now i'd rather spend that fortune on healthcare and not sickcare. If Joe can rid himself of that auto-immune disease, I want to atleast give it a shot. I've tried everything else. And I know it will work. It has to. What I have is not half as serious as Joe's condition. And so that's my simple formula and motivation mantra = if he can do it, so can I.

I've tried the reboot a couple of times before and got so far as 10 days and it felt amazing. But life got in the way as usual and I fell off the wagon and spiraled back into my familiar cubbyhole of sugary sweets, caffeine, and processed foods with an inactive lifestyle to seal the deal with the devil.

But now, I want to try this for real. And that means holding myself accountable. And so everyday, after coming home from work (because that's my danger craving zone), instead of scouting for something sinister to eat, I will write here the honest truth about my reboot. Instead of stuffing my self with chocolates and chips while watching Netflix, I will pen down here my lessons learnt and deal with shit. On a daily basis. 60 days. One day at a time.

Today's truth = I hate carrot-apple-ginger. Individually, i hate all three and in juice form together, I hate it more. It took me an hour to finish the juice today and as much as I was willing myself to have the second fill in the evening, I just headed straight for the cookie cupboard when I reached home and finished an entire pack of cookies! They weren't even that tasty. damn.

Lesson Learned = Don't make the carrot-apple-ginger juice again. No point in trying to be military-style and braving it. I have a friend who drinks 4 raw eggs every morning before his workout and so i thought if he can down something he hates, so can I. But, the truth is I don't want to. And so i'll cut myself some slack, especially now in the beginning first few days and look for another substitute juice. I have bigger tasks to test my willpower (like not eating sugar in the evening) so I'll save my resistance power for that and take the path of least resistance in that regard and make the juices i do like. That might work in making me stick.

Activity level for today = 8 stories stairs climbed, 26 minutes walk, total step count of 7800.

Plan for tomorrow = I have two juices remaining from today since I succumbed and ate junk in the evening instead of finishing those. Too morally drained after doctor's visit today to make a fresh batch of juice and so tomorrow, I shall have those two juices and eat fruits and have coconut water to fill my day. Will start reboot day 1 afresh from the 18th.

Motivation level = 5/10. Some part of me was clinging to the desperate, naive hope that this new doctor would understand my symptoms and not laugh them off as 'imaginary' and prescribe me more drugs. They don't seem to be interested in finding the root cause of a problem, but just to fix it temporarily. I've been waiting and living on temporary fixes for 2 years now. No more. Just feeling low today with this hope that was crushed so insensitively. Will I ever walk straight again...

This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voices, and was last updated by Ethan Campbell 3 months ago.

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