Real Change

For reals this time!

Real Change

Posted by Tabbycat on 2 years ago

Well, here I am attempting to lose weight FOR THE LAST AND FINAL TIME!!!!!!! To paraphrase the amazing Kate.The.Warrior, QUITTING IS NOT A F***ING OPTION!!!!!!

I have tried juice fasting before and never made it past about Day 4, but I've spent the last 4 days or so preparing myself mentally and I really reckon I've got this this time! This is my fat story:

I never had weight problems as a kid. I was always on the skinny side of a healthy weight range. My father used to complain that I "ate like a bird", which you'd think he would have been happy about, being the total tight arse that he was! ...but there was never any pleasing that hypercritical, pessimistic, perfectionist!! I did, however, always have a pot belly, which I'm pretty sure was due to my phobia of pooing. My wonderful mother thought that rubbing my face in my shitty nappies was the best way to toilet train me....so, needless to say, I very quickly learned not to poo! My poor little body was literally full of shit. Fast forward to me at age 21. Slim, healthy and fit as a fiddle. No health problems at all, but LOTS of misery, depression and suicidal thoughts since the age of 17. I am 5'7" and then weighed about 55kgs (121 pounds) After a failed suicide attempt, I lost my right hand at the wrist, and after spending 2.5 months in hospital and about 5 surgeries later, I went to recuperate at a relatives house, where I proceeded to sit on the couch, eating myself stupid and gained 15 kgs (33 pounds) in the next 2 months. If I didn't want to live when I had TWO hands, I sure as hell didn't want to live as a maimed, ugly, unsexy, disabled circus freak!! Over the next 20 years, I put on another 20 kgs until I got to my heaviest last year at 83kgs (183 pounds) I'd gone from a slim, sexy, healthy size 10 to a horrific fat chick size 16. I remember the first time I ever went into a fat chick dress shop for clothes, (2015) it was utterly devastating to me. "I'm NOT a fat chick! What the hell am I doing here????!!!!! This is NOT me!!!!" Except that I had to accept that, yes, at least, temporarily so, I am a fat chick. Well, as my Godmother used to say, "Denial ain't a river in Egypt, honey!" so it's time to face facts, to stop being in denial about the fact that some days, I literally eat ALL DAY LONG, about my secret eating, my excuses for eating crap and about the fact that I actually had a heart attack last year, have atherosclerosis and high blood pressure. I have zero respect for allopathic medicine and I HATE taking drugs! So, that means, it's time to start frequenting the FARMACY (thanks Don Tolman!) on a daily basis - not until I'm better, but for the rest of my life! :-)

My biggest problem in life is loneliness, but after spending the last few days reading every word of over 100 pages of Kate's thread (QUITTING IS NOT AN OPTION!!) i really feel like I'm not alone on here. You guys are freaking legends!! I have a lot of pride and HATE to look like a dick in front of other people, so being accountable in the public arena is, I think, the best way to keep me on track! So, without further ado, here I go on my journey! All positive comments and encouragement welcome, my new friends!! :-)

This topic contains 49 replies, has 1 voices, and was last updated by Or Maman 2 years ago.

Replies To For reals this time!

  • Tabbycat

    2 years ago

    DAY ONE TO NO DENIAL!

    So, since DENIAL AIN’T A RIVER IN EGYPT, I thought it would be a good idea to make a list of my food ‘sins’. I am a classic emotional over-eater, and have been for at least the last 15 years. I’m amazed I didn’t end up the size of a house, because when you look at the amount of crap I have eaten over the years, and how fast and how often I’ve eaten it, I should weigh WELL over 150 or 200 kgs, I reckon! So, yeah, I have eaten food out of the garbage can and off the footpath. Sad, but true, LOL! …but I guess, ultimately, I eat to try and starve the loneliness, the feeling, no, the KNOWING that there is not a single human being on this planet who loves me and not a single human being that I love – because nobody has ever really let me into their life – not anytime in the last 20 years, anyway! They say you should love more, well FIND ME A PERSON WHO ACTUALLY WANTS TO BE LOVED BY ME AND I’LL FREAKING WELL LOVE THEM!!!! LOL! I have ridiculous amounts of love to give, but I can never find anyone who actually wants my love…which means I must be worthless and unlovable, right? Well, whatever, I am supposed to be making a list of my food ‘sins’, so here you go….

    1. I create the most ridiculous excuses to eat food that I know is not going to help me get healthy or lose weight. I have been an ethical (mostly) vegan for years now, and I know that if it grows ON a plant, it’s good, if it was made IN a plant, stay away! …but because I’m a lousy cook, my tastebuds justify eating things that taste great, because life’s too short to eat crap-tasting food, right?

    2. I have been a secret eater for many years. My current housemate knows that I am vegan and so on the odd occasion that I bring non-vegan food home, (generally cheese or chocolate, my two greatest weaknesses) I always hide it in my desk drawer in my bedroom, for fear that he’ll call me out on being a hypocrite. If it’s cheese, and needs to be in the fridge, I wrap it in several opaque plastic bags, and hide it up the back of my side of the crisper under some fresh veggies. Over the years, I have eaten secretly in cars, in bathrooms, in closets, in alleyways, in the bushes, under the dark of moonless nights, ridiculous, but true, but right now, I’M OWNING IT!

    3.I pretend that I have no time for prep….but in actual fact, I have all the time in the world! I’m just lazy, disorganised and I sometimes have my priorities wrong. I currently don’t work, I never wanted or had kids, I’m single as can be and my current obsession (taekwondo) only takes 2-3 hours 4-6 nights a week. I study part-time online during the day, so that’s LOADS of time to juice, make salads and find the best recipes to make and enjoy!

    4. I eat to (ironically) starve loneliness. Emotional eating. Something my mother made sure she passed down to me. Sometimes, it’s obvious, as in “that gorgeous guy I’m besotted with just told me I look fat and unfeminine, he's right, better go gorge myself on pizza and chocolate since I’m a worthless, ugly, unsexy piece of shit anyway and sometimes it’s unconscious and habitual - get home from class at 8PM, it’s too late to cook properly, so I mindlessly grab take away and eat in front of the telly, without giving much thought to my eating habits at all.

    5. I gorge myself WAY too fast and completely mindlessly, usually in front of the TV or the internet. Eating without being mentally present. I eat in record time. Always have. In all my years on this planet, only two people that I’ve shared a meal with have ever finished that meal faster than me. It’s not that I’m trying to race, I just have a habit of shoving it in as fast as my mindless temperament possibly can! I don’t even realise what I’m doing until my eating utensil goes down and I think “Shit, I ate that really fast! Why do I always do that?”

    Well, now I have taken that river in Egypt by the horns, so to speak, my next post will outline the remedies for these 5 food sins. Have an amazing day, fellow adventurers!! :-)

  • Tabbycat

    2 years ago

    DAY ONE TO SOLUTION-BASED THINKING AND RESULTS!!

    “We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.” – Albert Einstein

    DAY ONE – So far, so good!

    Breakfast: SUMMERTIME BLUES (thanks Jason Vale!) juice of two oranges, add to blender with one handful each of blueberries and blackberries (I actually used raspberries instead of blackberries ‘cause that’s all I had!)

    Lunch: Mystery green juice that was in the fridge, made yesterday. I can’t actually remember what it was, but it was absolutely AMAZING!!! I could taste pear and lemon, but who knows what else?

    Dinner: Steamed veggies with red quinoa

    Supper: PURPLE POWER JUICE (from this website, but I changed the name of it, cause sometimes they have lame names. LOL!) 2 oranges, 2 carrots, 2 celery sticks, 1 beetroot, 1 lemon, 1 inch ginger.

    So, the very simple solutions to my food sins? Elementary, dear Watson!

    1.No more excuses! Ridiculous, or otherwise! With the exception of almond milk, if it hasn’t come straight from the produce section of the supermarket, a farmer’s market or roadside stand and from a plant, it’s not going in my mouth! Pure and simple.

    2.The top drawer of my desk is now for stationary, not secret food! I eat most of my meals alone anyhow, because I am a solitary person, but if possible, I will eat in front of others. If I stick to rule 1, then rule 2 won’t even be relevant anymore!

    3.I will ALWAYS make sure that before I go to bed each night, there are steamed veg and at least one juice in the fridge waiting. If I treat myself to healthy take away, it will be a planned reward for staying on track for the month, NOT because I’m telling myself that I have to because I don’t have time….because, quite frankly, that’s a crock of you-know-what!!

    4.Right. This is going to be the interesting one! It might have to be a work in progress…??

    5.Today, I forced myself to eat my dinner slowly, and honestly, it felt really weird not shoving the next mouthful in, before I had finished chewing the last one, but I did succeed in eating a little more mindfully than I normally do. I’m still working on the solution to this one, but I’m feeling pretty good about it right now. Maybe I should ban myself from eating in front of the telly as I usually do? I ate on the balcony in the sun today, and it was really nice, just enjoying my yummy steamed veggies, feeling the warm sun on my skin and listening to the birds doing their spring nesting craziness.

    I’m so pumped now and looking forward to DAY 2!

  • Tabbycat

    2 years ago

    DAY TWO TO TRANSFORMATION

    Two days down, so far so good!

    BREAKFAST: Banana smoothie (2 bananas and almond milk)

    LUNCH: Orange, mint and ginger Zinger (8 oranges, 2 cm ginger, 2 large handfuls fresh mint)

    SNACK: 1 celery stalk

    DINNER: Steamed veg with red quinoa and tomatoes

    SUPPER: Orange, mint and ginger Zinger (8 oranges, 2 cm ginger, 2 large handfuls fresh mint)

    I got to thinking about how my juices have been quite fruit-heavy and not particularly vegetable-ish, but then I remembered all of those amazing fruitarians that I met in upstate NY in 2014, and about how many of them eat ONLY fruit and every single one of them had a body to die for! Just lean muscle, not an ounce of excess fat. A high percentage of them were also serious athletes. So, no, I have no need to fear fruit, because fruit sugar has a completely different effect on our bodies to other types of sugar. I really believe that the human body was designed to eat only fruit, vegetables, nuts and seeds, if you look at our hands, fingers and toes (soft and perfect for picking fruit and climbing trees, no sharp claws for ripping and tearing flesh), our eyesight (colour vision for recognising when fruit and vegetables are ripe and ready to eat, unlike carnivores, who can generally only see in b&w) our teeth (no sharp canines, but large molars built for masticating leaves and other plants) you can see quite clearly that we were never meant to be carnivores! Eating plants is the fastest way to harness the energy of the sun, and isn’t that the number one thing that keeps us alive? Happy Tuesday, everyone!!

  • Tabbycat

    2 years ago

    DAY THREE TO A NEW ME! :-)

    BREAKFAST: Jason Vale's Ginja Ninja juice - 2 apples, 2 carrots, 1 stick celery, 2.5 cm slice lemon (peel on), 1cm raw ginger

    LUNCH: steamed veg

    DINNER: Fresh 'n' Wild Juice - 1 orange, 1 apple, 1 handful greens, 2.5 cm lemon (skin on), 1/4 cucumber, 1 stick celery, 2.5 cm (1 inch) raw ginger

    SUPPER: a glass of Fresh n Wild.

    Had a great 2 hour training session tonight. I'm really looking forward to how easy kicks and stretching and doing the splits is going to be once I've lost 40 pounds or so! :-) Looking forward to day 4...given my past juicing history, tomorrow is make or break day for me. Here I come!

  • Tabbycat

    2 years ago

    DAY FIVE TO FEELING ALIVE! :-D

    Wow! I think I'm actually going to make it this time! I've just survived the last three days at work, and stayed on track. I even had to sit at the reception desk with a box of unmentionable food for sale for charity right in front of me the whole time, and I barely looked twice at it. I made sure I took HEAPS of steamed veg and juice with me, and honestly, that's all I wanted! It's a freaking miracle!

    Anyway, I haven't weighed myself yet because I don't have any scales, but I'll buy some this afternoon and weigh in! On DAY 1 though, I did try on The Pink Dress, which is a dress I bought and wore comfortably when I was 19 years old. It's a size 8.....!!!! Right now, I can only get it up to the bottom of my butt cheeks, (I'm currently a size 14-16) but my goal is to be wearing it and for it not to be tight by Christmas.

    Anyway, here's my DAY FIVE. Maybe some of you are looking for some awesome-tasting recipes...

    BREAKFAST: BETA CARROT JUICE: 2 apples, 1/2 beetroot, 2 carrots, 1 parsnip, 1/4 lemon

    LUNCH: steamed veg

    DINNER: GREEN BANANA SMOOTHIE: 2 leaves silverbeet (or any greens), 1 apple, 1/4 cucumber, 1 inch ginger. Juice all, then blend with 1 frozen ripe banana. YUM!!

  • Tabbycat

    2 years ago

    DAY 7 TO BODILY HEAVEN :-D

    I really would kill to have a butt like these girls:

    Yeah, I think I'm going to work on that! ;-)

    Well, today is Day 7 and I'm going really well! I lost half a kg last night...if I can keep that up every night, I'll be thin again in no time! Yay! After class tonight, I was SOOOO wanting a burrito and I drove home justifying to myself why burritos are not that unhealthy and why I really should have one...but then I found myself remembering how happy I am that I'm actually starting to lose weight again, and how amazing my life is going to be once I'm back to my natural body weight and I might even actually be able to find a boyfriend, (cuddles, YAY!!!) and I found myself bypassing the Mexican place and heading straight home for my green juice! One week down, so far so good!

    BREAKFAST: GINGER SHOT - 1 inch ginger, 1 apple, then SUMMER SLIMMER - 1 apple, 1/4 cucumber, 1 stalk celery, 3 cm ginger

    LUNCH: CARROT ORANGE - 1 tomato, 1 orange, 1 apple, 4 large carrots

    DINNER: sml bowl steamed veg & NATURAL ENERGISER - 1/4 pineapple, 1 handful spinach, 1/4 cucumber, 1/2 zucchini

    Zucchini juice?? Yes, folks! I couldn't even taste it :-D

  • Lucy

    2 years ago

    Oh how I'd love a body like them ladies! They certainly work hard to look that way, though. You're doing really well, Tabby. Day 8 for me now and I cannot believe I have managed this far already. :)

  • Tabbycat

    2 years ago

    DAY 9 TO FEELIN' FINE!

    Well, I can't believe I've made it an entire week and then some! My single meal of steamed veg each day seems to be getting me thru the juicing with minimal cravings. YAY!! It's pretty crazy how excited I am about certain things these days, including:

    * Doing ALL my supermarket shopping from the produce section (except almond milk)

    * Making juice

    * Drinking juice

    * Collecting juice and dairy-free smoothie recipes

    * Watching juicing/health/weight loss documentaries on You Tube and Netflix

    * Running several laps of the oval each day and making plans to join a gym as soon as I get a job! :-D

    Today has gone as well as the last 8 days - I'm down another 300 gms this morning! Pink Dress, here I come! SQUEEE!!!

    BREAKFAST: GINGER SHOT followed by MINTY KIWI REFRESHER - 1 kiwi fruit, 2 apples, 1 pear, 1 handful spinach, 1 handful fresh mint, 1/2 cucumber

    LUNCH: bowl of steamed veggies

    DINNER: FEEL GOOD JUICE - 2.5 cm ginger, 1/4 pineapple, handful greens (spinach, kale, silverbeet etc), 2 celery stalks, 1 cucumber, 1 lemon

    SUPPER: 2 bananas

  • Tabbycat

    2 years ago

    Oh! I forgot to put these links to two inspiring docos I watched in the last few days. I'm about to start training for my first figure competition soon (a long-held, secret dream of mine!) so these two weight loss Fat-to-Fit-on-Stage transformations really floated my boat!

    I'm don't even know them, but I'm SOOOO proud of and inspired by these two amazing women! Have an amazingly juicy day, peoples! :-D

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