Real ChangePosted by Tabbycat on 2 years ago
Well, here I am attempting to lose weight FOR THE LAST AND FINAL TIME!!!!!!! To paraphrase the amazing Kate.The.Warrior, QUITTING IS NOT A F***ING OPTION!!!!!!
I have tried juice fasting before and never made it past about Day 4, but I've spent the last 4 days or so preparing myself mentally and I really reckon I've got this this time! This is my fat story:
I never had weight problems as a kid. I was always on the skinny side of a healthy weight range. My father used to complain that I "ate like a bird", which you'd think he would have been happy about, being the total tight arse that he was! ...but there was never any pleasing that hypercritical, pessimistic, perfectionist!! I did, however, always have a pot belly, which I'm pretty sure was due to my phobia of pooing. My wonderful mother thought that rubbing my face in my shitty nappies was the best way to toilet train me....so, needless to say, I very quickly learned not to poo! My poor little body was literally full of shit. Fast forward to me at age 21. Slim, healthy and fit as a fiddle. No health problems at all, but LOTS of misery, depression and suicidal thoughts since the age of 17. I am 5'7" and then weighed about 55kgs (121 pounds) After a failed suicide attempt, I lost my right hand at the wrist, and after spending 2.5 months in hospital and about 5 surgeries later, I went to recuperate at a relatives house, where I proceeded to sit on the couch, eating myself stupid and gained 15 kgs (33 pounds) in the next 2 months. If I didn't want to live when I had TWO hands, I sure as hell didn't want to live as a maimed, ugly, unsexy, disabled circus freak!! Over the next 20 years, I put on another 20 kgs until I got to my heaviest last year at 83kgs (183 pounds) I'd gone from a slim, sexy, healthy size 10 to a horrific fat chick size 16. I remember the first time I ever went into a fat chick dress shop for clothes, (2015) it was utterly devastating to me. "I'm NOT a fat chick! What the hell am I doing here????!!!!! This is NOT me!!!!" Except that I had to accept that, yes, at least, temporarily so, I am a fat chick. Well, as my Godmother used to say, "Denial ain't a river in Egypt, honey!" so it's time to face facts, to stop being in denial about the fact that some days, I literally eat ALL DAY LONG, about my secret eating, my excuses for eating crap and about the fact that I actually had a heart attack last year, have atherosclerosis and high blood pressure. I have zero respect for allopathic medicine and I HATE taking drugs! So, that means, it's time to start frequenting the FARMACY (thanks Don Tolman!) on a daily basis - not until I'm better, but for the rest of my life! :-)
My biggest problem in life is loneliness, but after spending the last few days reading every word of over 100 pages of Kate's thread (QUITTING IS NOT AN OPTION!!) i really feel like I'm not alone on here. You guys are freaking legends!! I have a lot of pride and HATE to look like a dick in front of other people, so being accountable in the public arena is, I think, the best way to keep me on track! So, without further ado, here I go on my journey! All positive comments and encouragement welcome, my new friends!! :-)
This topic contains 49 replies, has 1 voices, and was last updated by Or Maman 2 years ago.